Thursday, March 3, 2011

Soul searching (with my soul mate)...

I have spent the last week I guess trying to make "christian" sense of all that is going on with Lucy.  Many of you are likely dealing with it better than I am ....I want to say those words of "it's in God's hands" and I do say them, and I believe them...because I am a long time christian, right?  Well, honestly, I have talking to God a lot about some of this mess this week (in between my prayers coveting healing for her).  He has used a couple of things to reveal some things to me this week that have helped. I have researched "why do bad things happen to good people" online; listened to inspiring K Love music, and prayed a lot.

 First, Rob and I have had a couple of talks and God bless that man, he is so darn good.  (and can I add that yesterday 3/2/11...was the 17th anniversary of the first night he called very important day in our lives, thanks to Kendra and Chad:) He always helps me see things from the right perspective (and sometimes I help him); I guess that's why we are made for each other.  We talked about suffering (as I said in my last post, I have had it with watching suffering...even before Lucy, I was struggling...and now more devastating news today of the MTSU basketball players tragic death). Rob's exact words to me were "This isn't heaven, Laura."  I cry as I type that.  He's right, it's not.  Why have heaven if we would have it here on earth.  I am coming to grips with the purpose (unforseen often) in suffering. As believers, we are to do something about it.  Whether it's the babies in Ethiopia (like Conner) or the sick babies in St. Jude or the kids who live in poverty.  It's our's part of our discipling...sitting around and whining about others or feeling pity isn't being disciples.  The other part of "this isn't heaven" that I have learned this week is that life IS good.  Why do we want to live so long and prolong death if it's not.  We like life for the most part, right.  Right now, it seem pretty darn rotten.  But it's not, God made our lives for us to enjoy and he made us good and perfect in his image.

Also, reading Kate's blog has certainly inspired me.  Particularly the words about her kids being God's.  Rob and I have talked about that for years...we always say that and try to live it.  But it is darn hard.  We want what we want for them...and then we throw in some prayers about God's will.  But we must stop. We must let our kids be God's.  If they don't go to college or they don't get married and have 2.5 kids or the live typical American dream...if they are God's, then we should let him direct their paths.  Our old preacher, John Fullerton, used to say, "if they grow up to pump gas, let them do it to the glory of God."

Then, last night at my bible study group, the lesson was on peace (Beth Moore's Living beyond Yourself; Fruit of the Spirit".  Kate is not the biggest Beth Moore fan, but I couldn't, of course, stop thinking of her.  I commented on Kate's blog this morning that one line she said stuck with me.  "Peace doesn't come from answers; peace comes from the authority of Christ in you."  Crap.  I really want an answer.  Will the treatments Lucy goes through get it all the first time, or will she need more?  Will she need another surgery?  Apparently, even if I had the exact answers and knew that Lucy would be healed completely on exact date, I still couldn't have true peace without a true relationship with Jesus.

Okay, my sermon to myself is over.  I have spent the week crying with friends and myself and processing it all.  I felt like I needed to write about it to get it organized in my brain. It's not over, but I think I am on the road to peace.  I am going to work on living out these 3 things...1) this is not heaven, but life is good (and I will see heaven one day)   2) my kids are God's and I need to raise them like that for as long as I have them   3)  Peace is only through knowing Jesus

Go Lucy Go!


Kate said...

I love you dear friend. Thank you for your sweet words and thoughts.

Cherri said...

Wish there was a "like" button for blogs :)

Emily Peyton Cook said...

This is Zach Cook. I do not often read your blog posts or many others for that matter, but I just felt the Holy Spirit leading me to give you a word.
I am glad you are asking the tough questions of our faith. God says in His Word that we are to test all things, ask God the tough questions, but make sure you go to His Word and not the world for the right answers. His Word is to be your guiding North Star. I pray that God would manifest Himself to you and show you that peace and rest come through believing in your heart what you confess with your lips. And just because this is earth and not heaven, that does not mean that you cannot experience heaven on earth, or at least a glimpse of what it will be like. Ask God to show you and keep your eyes open and your heart turned toward Him and He will show you.

Emily Peyton Cook said...

Remember, it all goes back to Genesis. Because of "the fall" we have sin which led to sickness, disease, and death. That was not God's plan, but man's consequence under the influence of the tempter and the god of this world. What God created was good and perfect. Man messed it up. So, I always wonder why people ask "Why does God allow this to happen?" when ultimately it's all our fault. Yes, He intervenes and heals and shows us something beautiful out of something rotten and dirty. Look at Christ's suffering and death that ultimately led to a conquered grave and a risen Savior that would rescue you and me from sin and eternal death. Look at how he's using Lucy's horrible situation to show His face and His glory to believers and non-believers alike. Although Lucy is an innocent child, she inherited all the effects of sin that go all the way back to the beginning, but God has her in His hands and will accomplish His purpose through her for her life. We have to remember, it's not about us and all about Him and pointing others to Him in every situation, good or bad.

Elizabeth said...

Hi Laura,

This is Liz. Great to find your blog and what a great post.

I got your comment on my blog, first congratulations on baby Kate! I think a Dr. Seuss birthday party would be adorable. I actually "borrowed" some ideas from this post and thought it would be perfect for you.

They have tons of cute ideas! I will have to follow you so that I can "see" your little one's first birthday. Good Luck.

BTW, Sara forwared an email to me about all of the events you all have planned to benefit Lucy. You all have some great events planned. I know that we are so far away but please keep me updated so that I can help out in some small way. Thanks.